2017- The year of courage

In my last post I mentioned that this year I would be choosing a word to base my year around. The idea being that throughout the year whatever I do or come across, that I have that word in mind.

The word I choose was COURAGE

courage


courage

noun

– the ability to do something that frightens one; bravery.

 – strength in the face of pain or grief.


As a follower of Jesus, I believe that He speaks to me all the time, in various ways, and when thinking of the word for the year was no different.
 
Initally I had thought of another word, however after watching the movie Moana, in which I related to the message of the story and the lyrics of some of the songs, as well as one particular preach at church which linked in, plus a reading from ‘W4U2D’ (word for you today) which also linked, it became clear what word I needed to choose.
I also realised that I had started to live with courage at the end of last year.
After having a really tough time just before Christmas, it took courage to admit I needed help and to seek that help. 
It took courage to drop my pride over the fact that I won’t be getting a first or even a 2:1 in my nursing degree.
It took courage to take time for myself even though I had the pressures of trying to finish  work, in order to de-stress.
It took courage to put about my anxiety on the last post.
Having courage helped me, even though some days I didn’t feel very couragous at all.
So what does this mean for 2017?
Up until now I had had a plan that I was following: get through school, get through A-levels, do a gap year and go to university (although i had a blip and it took 3 attempts to get into university), train to be a midwife.
Although there is still the goal to go onto midwifery training, it’s a bit of an unknown what I’m going into this year. 
I have a job lined up but it’s not definite, and assuming I do pass the necessary final pieces of the degree puzzle, I won’t fully know how I will actually cope being a fully fledged nurse.
Being a nurse will also mean being courageous enough to stand up for those I am looking after, to make sure they get the care they need and deserve.
Having a job will mean being even more of an ‘adult’ than I am now and thinking ahead to how I will use my new resources (mainly money). I will have to be courageous to tread new areas in my life, in new relationships and new responsibilities.
Then there’s things going on in the wider world that scares me, but I know that I need to have courage and faith, and keep trusting in my God. 
So even though not fully knowing what is going to happen this year scares me, I’m looking forward to the adventure it will lead me on.
Until next time, dream BIG
Moonwillow92 x
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The beginning of the end

…..

So the last time I actually wrote anything on this blog was 3 years ago this month (which you can check here).

That’s crazy. Really. A lot has happened since the 13th Jan 2014, when my last post went out. 


This is me. 

I’m now a 24-year-old, third (and final) year adult nursing student, who will hopefully qualify as a registered nurse in March, with seriously long hair the goes down to my butt.

Still single but actually been on two dates. Moved out of the parental home for university (and beyond?). Gained a lot of weight (although have lost some since this past Christmas). Made new friends, lost old friends, started new hobbies and stopped some volunteering responsibilities (even though I wish I could have still helped out).  

I’ve been in a couple of am-dram theatre plays, sang as part of a ‘congregation’ on a cd, made a few vlogs that I’ve posted on youtube, visited oxford countless times to visit my sister as she studied for her degree, visited Cambridge for the first time ever times in order to visit a new friend who then moved away again, visited my friends in Caernarfon that I only really see once a year at church camp. (A lot of solo journeying to places…bit nerve-wracking but fun).

I’ve even got my nose pierced after years of wanting it done. 

I’ve grown and matured, become more confident in doing things on my own, got better at hanging out with friends (although there is definitely still room for improvement in terms of opening up to friends!). 

I write these things down in order to remind myself of how much can change and happen in as short a time period as a couple of years. 


I guess as I’m getting closer to finishing my degree and therefore to achieving some of those dreams that I had hinted at back when I started this blog (see here), I’m looking back on what it’s taken to get me where I am.

Even though I have seriously enjoyed university, it’s not always been plain sailing (and still isn’t, as I failed my final academic assignment so will have to redo it).

When I applied to the course, they said that there was quite a high drop out in comparison to other courses, even hearing of student nurses dropping out in their last year. Back then I used to think, “how could you drop out when you are so close?”. But as the course has gone on I realise why. 

Nursing is a stressful job. Even as student nurses, the pressures we feel in completing the academic side as well as the practical side of our degree to become nurses, is a lot higher than a lot of other courses out there. I think the main reason is because it has such a lot of responsibility that goes with it. Literally a matter of life or death in some cases.

Back in November, I had a serious breakdown, as my anxiety and worries were made worse by stress, around one of the deadlines of an assignment. I had hit the stage when I had lost sight of why I was doing nursing in the first place. I literally wanted to run away somewhere, find a mountain to go climb, and just sit & do absolutely nothing. I wanted to escape but couldn’t. 

I am thankful to God for my parents, as they realised it was pretty bad and then worked hard to help me hand in the assignment (which I passed) and get me out of the low point. I’m also thankful for my close friends. I was totally honest and asked them to pray. I sort help from the wellbeing service at my university. 

In time, I got past the worst of it. 

I’ve made it through the course, and even though there is still a bit to go I’ve overcome something not everyone who starts finishes. I’m stronger than I thought I was and more resilient than I gave myself credit for.

So this year, in recognition of what I’ve done, where I’ve come from, and looking to where I want to be, I’ve decided to follow the example of my good friend, Maria, and choose one word that will be my ‘word of the year’.

In my next post, I will write about which word I chose and explain what it means for me.(I’m hoping that by committing to one more post it will help me actually use this for what I had intended it for.)

Until next time, Dream BIG

Moonwillow x